Preparing for an Aged Care Assessment: What I Would Tell My Own Family
Craig and I have just stepped off the stage at a conference where we were invited to speak about aged care, and, as often happens at these events, some of the most valuable conversations took place around the presentation itself.
One subject kept coming up: families often do not know how to prepare for an aged care assessment.
That might sound like a relatively small issue. It is not.
An aged care assessment is an opportunity to explain what life actually looks like at home. What Mum can still comfortably do herself. What Dad is struggling with. What the family is already doing behind the scenes. And, importantly, which of those arrangements are becoming difficult to sustain.
Yet many families go into the assessment thinking they simply need to answer the questions they are asked.
I think there is a better way.
The Question I Would Ask Before the Assessment
If I were preparing one of my own family members for an aged care assessment, I would start with one simple exercise.
Think about the last seven days. Also think about what life is like when managing the day-to-day 'on my worst day'.
- Not what Mum could do six months ago. Not what Dad would like to be able to do. What actually happened this week?
- Who prepared the meals?
- Who drove to appointments?
- Who organised the medications?
- Who cleaned the house, changed the sheets or did the shopping?
- Who paid the bills?
- Who rang to make sure everything was all right?
Once you start going through an ordinary week, a very different picture can emerge.
I have seen this repeatedly when talking with families about aged care. What begins as "Mum is quite independent" gradually becomes "I suppose I am actually there four times a week."
Both statements can be true.
Mum may still be fiercely independent, but that independence might now be possible because several people are quietly supporting her in the background.
That distinction matters.
Be yourself
There is a very human tendency to present ourselves well when somebody comes into our home.
The house is tidied. Everyone is prepared. Mum is having a particularly good morning and insists she can manage perfectly well.
That is understandable, but an aged care assessment needs to reflect normal life, including the more difficult days.
If getting dressed usually takes considerable time, say so.
If there have been falls, missed medications or increasing difficulty preparing meals, those things matter.
If somebody says they can still cook, it can be worth explaining what that actually means. Preparing a meal from scratch is very different from reheating food that somebody else has prepared and delivered.
There is no prize for appearing more capable than you really are.
The purpose of an assessment is to understand what support may be required. The assessor can only work with the information the family provides.
Independence Does Not Mean Doing Everything Yourself
This is an important point, particularly for the generation many of us are now helping.
Accepting assistance does not mean surrendering independence.
In fact, sometimes the opposite is true.
A little assistance with cleaning, transport or shopping may allow someone to conserve their energy for the activities they genuinely value.
I would therefore encourage families to talk before the assessment about what Mum or Dad wants to keep doing as much as what they are struggling to do.
Perhaps Dad wants to continue tending his garden but needs help with the heavier work.
Perhaps Mum still enjoys cooking for the family but no longer feels confident navigating the supermarket or carrying groceries.
Perhaps being able to attend bowls, church, a community group or lunch with friends is particularly important.
Aged care should not simply be about keeping somebody fed, clean and medically supported. Quality of life matters too.
The Harder Question: Can the Family Keep Doing This?
This is where the conversation can become uncomfortable.
Families are extraordinarily generous with their time, particularly when someone they love needs help.
But there is a difference between what a family can do today and what they can sustainably continue doing.
An adult daughter might be managing several appointments each week while also working and raising her own family. An 82-year-old husband might be providing considerable care for his 80-year-old wife without thinking of himself as a carer.
Everyone may be coping today.
But what happens if the daughter has to travel for work? What happens if Dad becomes unwell himself?
One of the questions I would ask before an assessment is:
"If the person doing most of the helping was unavailable for the next month, what would stop working?"
That question can uncover vulnerabilities remarkably quickly.
It also helps families discuss where formal assistance might complement what family members genuinely want and are able to continue doing.
That is not abandoning responsibility. It can be what makes a caring arrangement sustainable.
Have the Conversation Before Everyone Is Under Pressure
One message Craig and I continually return to is the value of starting these conversations early.
Aged care decisions become much harder when the first serious discussion happens during a crisis.
A fall occurs. Mum is in hospital. Dad suddenly cannot manage at home. Adult children are trying to understand assessment processes, care options, finances and legal arrangements while simultaneously dealing with the emotional reality of what has happened.
That is an enormous amount to deal with at once.
Where possible, start earlier.
Talk about what help is already being provided. Understand what Mum or Dad would want if their circumstances changed. Know where important paperwork is kept and who has the authority to assist with decisions if that becomes necessary.
An assessment is also not purely a financial exercise. Care needs, government-funded services, legal authority, financial arrangements and eventually accommodation decisions can intersect, which is why families may need several forms of professional advice as circumstances evolve.
Someone Else in the Room Can Make a Difference
Where the assessment arrangements allow it and the older person wants them involved, I think there can be considerable value in having a trusted family member or support person present.
It is not about speaking for Mum or Dad.
Their wishes and preferences remain central to the conversation.
Rather, another person can sometimes fill in the gaps.
Older people may unintentionally minimise difficulties, forget something important or simply have a different perception of how much support they receive.
A second person can respectfully add context.
"Mum, you are right that you still do your own shopping sometimes, but most weeks I have been doing it with you because you are finding the bags difficult."
That is a much more useful conversation than either person trying to prove who is right.
What I Would Take Into the Assessment
Despite all the paperwork that can surround aged care, I would not make preparing for the assessment complicated.
I would list things that ' I used to do, but are no longer doing'. .
I would include what the person manages independently, where assistance is currently required, who provides that assistance, and what has become more difficult recently.
I would also note any significant changes that might not be obvious during a relatively short conversation.
Most importantly, I would separate what family currently does from what family can realistically continue doing.
Those are not necessarily the same thing.
That one distinction can create a much more honest conversation about the future.
Do not prepare to show how well you are coping. Prepare to explain what is actually happening.
That is a much better starting point for everyone.
General information
This article contains general information only and does not take into account any individual’s circumstances, objectives, financial situation or needs. Aged care eligibility, assessment, funding and services depend on individual circumstances and government requirements. Financial, legal, taxation and aged care advice should be obtained where appropriate.